And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
