dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
