I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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