There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
