I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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