im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
