I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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