Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
