look no pants
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
