so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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