the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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