hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
