Cold hands, warm shart.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
