textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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