Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize