Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
