is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
