Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
send nudes
from the living room?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
