I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize