Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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