The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
