This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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