I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
