We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I deserve this hangover.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
