also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
