it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
