I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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