I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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