So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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