i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
