You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
