why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
