im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
