She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
