Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
