Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
zippers are such a cool invention
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
