Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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