Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
