Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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