kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
