How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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