You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
