I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
