I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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