I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
