I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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