I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
