Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am midnight drunk by noon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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