rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
