SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
