Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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