I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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