I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
