we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
