The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
