I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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