Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
