I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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