there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
