i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so let's talk penis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You ruined the universe
Randomize