If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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