She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
