Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
