ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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